


You Have Become A Man

by I_Will_Disappear



Series: Puppies [6]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Will_Disappear/pseuds/I_Will_Disappear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You walk through rooms and halls that you knew, drifting by like the man you used to follow. you would try to be his shadow when you were younger, now you don't have to try anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Have Become A Man

It’s a devastating feeling, coming back home, being able to lounge around in your old room, to curl up in your old comforter and sheets. Your posters still on your walls; you had been right, walking into the house using your spare key, your dad had moved everything back into your room.

You can take deeps breathes and let the warm sun light in through your window, pretend that it is just like old times.

Can worry about Chem homework, two years overdue, can think about what you’re going to make for dinner; you think about how warm it will be, how hot it will become like the other nights so long ago.

Only becoming so hot when he came crawling in through your window and stripped, made his way between your sheets and pulled you close.

It’s tearing at your heart to remember when you used to think that it didn’t matter if he only wanted that closeness at night and only alone.

Can remember thinking it was all you need, that you would have him anyway you could.

You used to be so naïve.

Now you’re just bitter.

You can lay on your bed, eye lids closed and glowing peach and red from underneath with light.

You can pretend that it is a simpler time.

You can pretend you young again.

You can pretend that you are okay again.

You can pretend that you didn’t run; that you’re still running.

You can pretend that you won’t get hurt.

Pretend that you are just the omega, nothing else; nothing important.

You can whoever you were before; before your world started to crumble and rip.

You can lay on your bed and play pretend like you used to, like running in wolf skin can hide what you are; it can only hide your scent, playing a wolf game.

You can pretend that you would be okay if you could just lay closer to him, if you bury yourself in him and his pelt.

You can pretend that you are just laying in wait, that it’s not long at all before you can turn the table around on him.

Can pretend that you never knew you could leave, like you just never knew you could do it; like you didn’t know how much it would hurt.

You can pretend that when you meet them all again that it won’t be hell; to be so close and unable to have, but your brave and only the brave can accept it; their fate.

You lay still on your bed breathing in the hurt and longing, the love and painful sobs that litter your old rooms with their phantom being.

You can go on thinking about how you need to run more and live more; stop thinking about the whiskey in your dads closet, it won’t do you any good, won’t do your father any good to find you like that.

You will get, will made dinner when the light outside has started to dim and ease over the mountain and tree line.

You can surprise your dad with yourself; how you have grown, how you have changed.

You can think, idly, that Lydia would probably like you bitter ; you can’t help but think that it would, in all actuality, make her cry, sob and clench and scream.

You wonder if maybe you should just lie in until Tuesday instead of heading over on Monday; maybe that bit of rebellion will show that you haven’t changed that much; could ease them in just like the sun eased on down and out.

You stay awake until your dad passes through the door, gun out and ready; stay as he rushes you into a hug, pulls you close.

You eat and drink and talk until you are both yawning but that’s okay; you missed him so much, can see yourself in him like you weren’t able to before.

You both fall to sleep sometime around one; he will have Monday off so it fits in perfect; you can use him as an excuse, just like old times.

You can pretend that you don’t hurt at the café when you spot Allison and her father, when you hear them talking, hear her laugh and tell him about Danny and Lydia and 

Jackson running around skinny dipping; your dad doesn’t notice and gives no indication that he knows why you stir them out of the café once your order is in.

You can pretend that it doesn’t hurt to be apart from everyone; hurt to be out of your pack, Derek’s pack.

You know you aren’t really, but that was the point, to separate yourself from him and that included them.

There would be no joint custody of the pups, not dividing; no they would all stay with papa wolf where they would be safe and protected.

Where Allison didn’t have to worry about explaining her and Scott’s, where Jackson didn’t have to explain about how he needed Lydia and Danny, how he could function   
without the two of them; where they didn’t have to explain why they were with their den mother instead of their alpha.

You wouldn’t pull the pack apart because you know he needs them; probably needs you too, because he is too alone, too hurt, too close to breaking.

Of course no one knows this but you; always too observant then you should be, to hyper aware of these things, of him.

You would sweep them off their feet and spirit them away to Pennsylvania, it just wouldn’t be fair; you know that they would be forced to choose sides, that both parties would be hurt because of who wanted to stay and who wanted to go.

So you made the choice for them, left without a good bye and without looking back.

You became someone you had seen for most of your life; became someone you had always wanted to fix.

You became that man who wandered around his home because his wife was gone and couldn’t stop the reflex of turning to speak to her.

You became a ghost, bitter and love wise, world wise to pain and grief; to how it tears and peels you to the muscle, cuts to the bone and boils you alive.

You became who you had always wanted to be.

Just as tired and worn; just as easy to pick a bottle up for its respite from the world.

Just as loyal and weary, just as mysterious; locking away the hurt and everything else with it.

You became the man you had always wished to be; less clumsy, slower in pace, steady voice and easy stride, confident.

You have became a man; a simple, adult, mundane human.

You became your dad.


End file.
